Psyching the Zietgeist:
Current Culture Through a Mental Health Lens

Grief, Loss, and Technology

My father’s birthday was March 14th, and I’ve been missing him a lot lately. He died two and a half years ago of Chronic Lymphatic Leukemia, at sixty-nine years old.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about my iPhone. This is because it’s been acting up–freezing on me for periods of time, refusing to give me access to visual voicemail. I called Apple tech support a few weeks ago. After half an hour of being-on-hold purgatory, an extremely jovial tech support guy assured me that my problems could be fixed by replacing the battery on my phone. Then he said that since I have an older phone (I bought my iPhone fifteen months ago), I would need to be sent to a Best Buy store to have the battery replaced. “We don’t keep your battery in stock at our Apple stores,” he told me. He thanked me many times for giving him the opportunity to serve me. A week later I received an e-mail from him, saying that Apple had completed the necessary paperwork and that Best Buy would contact me “in two to five weeks” to set up my appointment.

We rely so much on our technology that we are figuratively (and with GPS, literally) lost without it. I managed to circumvent the two-to-five-week wait at Best Buy by spending another half an hour on hold with their tech support team and making an appointment directly. The woman who eventually replaced the battery on my phone was friendly, courteous, and competent. Thirty-seven dollars and fifty cents later, my iPhone still isn’t working.

What do we lose in our dependence on our computers, our smart phones, and the dense web of technology that gives shape to our lives today? The grief that I feel about my father, and the anxiety that wells up around my iPhone, both come from a gnawing sense of absence. I can’t see, hear, or touch my father. With malfunctioning technology, I am severed from the currents of communication running invisibly through the atmosphere. Suddenly, I am alone. A frozen iPhone and the dead space when we’re on hold with a faceless technology company both feel as cold as stone.

by Elana Kupor

Posted on March 20, 2018
Posted in Grief and lossTagged ,


The opinions expressed in this post are the views of the author(s) and don't necessarily reflect those of other members of the Women's Therapy Referral Service.

What to do When the Holidays Aren’t Happy

It’s a common expectation that the holidays are cheerful and that you should be too.  In reality, the holidays can be anything but cheerful for many people.  Here are three situations that can be especially challenging:


Psychologist Guy Winch, Ph.D addresses the negative health outcomes that accrue from chronic loneliness and suggests that people anticipating loneliness during the holidays take actions that involve scary risks. No, not skydiving or BASE jumping, but asking acquaintances or even distant relatives what they are planning to do on the holidays, thereby creating an opening to ask for an invitation. He writes that lonely people often underestimate the love and welcome available to them. Scary? Yes. Like many endeavors that lead to positive change, letting someone know that you’d like to be included in their holiday plans takes courage and determination.

Grief and Loss

A set of articles in the online “Grief Toolbox” contains a list of things to do during the holidays, most of them familiar and practical—be compassionate with yourself, try to find enjoyable things to do with people, let others do things that will lessen your stress and anxiety—but the most important step to take is to find ways to remember and talk about the person who died. The worst thing you can do to yourself is to try to be relentlessly cheerful when you are with others. Though it is commendable to put some effort into being good company, it is equally important to acknowledge your loved one and share stories about when he or she was part of the celebration. Sharing memories of the person you lost and acknowledging the grief you are suffering allows others to support you and to share their own memories of the person you’ve lost.


If you’re simply feeling stressed about the holidays, here is a resource that can help:

The Coping With Holiday Stress Worksheet: Creating My Own Plan for A Happy And Healthy Holiday Season.

by Peggy Shafer

Posted on November 17, 2017
Posted in Self-careTagged , ,


The opinions expressed in this post are the views of the author(s) and don't necessarily reflect those of other members of the Women's Therapy Referral Service.